You may encounter a sudden disaster at any time.
Yes, you are. R-right now!
Oh, my God. look. ah, too late.
Why are beautiful people dead so young?
Well, for surviving readers, here are some tips to survive certain disasters that unfortunately come too late to save the poor, majestic reader 42287.
May God have mercy on their souls.
5 You can use your pants as a lifeguard 1995, Navy long gun-
While Corporal Zachary Mayo was wandering on his aircraft carrier, a metal door opened and it was funny to go on --
Hit him into the open sea.
Unfortunately, no one else can enjoy the physical comedy.
Or hear him cry for help.
A few hundred miles off the coast, it looks like David Jones's Locker is an inevitable destination for Mayo.
Two days later, however, a boat full of Pakistani fishermen found him alive.
Luck is not stupid--
Mayo remembers his naval training called "drowning prevention ".
"This requires you to take off your pants.
No, stay with us here.
If you find yourself drifting on the sea suddenly and accidentally, you can turn your pants into lifeguards.
First, take them off and tie the ankles together with a tight knot.
Then lift the belt and open it up and swing your pants in the air like you don't care (
About wearing pants
You are very concerned about not drowning).
Slide your legs over the top of your head and place your belt under water so the air doesn't come out and pray that the shark won't be interested in your exposed genitals.
This is an embarrassing naval demonstration.
Yes, you will look ridiculous, but you will put up with this shame. Live!
You may need to re-
Inflate your pants often because they are not breathable unless you are Mick Jagger, but anyway.
You are in the middle of the ocean.
There's nothing you can do.
You can use your fire battery to make a fire, this is the difference between us and the Beast, give or take a few cigarettes
Smoking Chimpanzee
But thanks to thousands of years of nicotine
The addictive ape could have beaten most of us in the wild with fire.
Forget it. what are you doing with those two sticks?
You just embarrassed yourself.
If you find yourself stuck without a lighter or match, you still have the phone, which is a good bet ---
After all, 2017.
Even if you don't accept the most obvious solution (
Ask for help, or at least ask someone from the post office to do a Zippo delivery)
You can still make a fire with your mobile phone.
If for some reason you enter the darkest wilderness with steel wool or gum wrapping paper backed with foil ---
Say you do two things: wash the dishes and chew bubble gum-
You can twist it into a loop, twist the positive and negative terminals of your phone's battery into a loop to generate enough heat to ignite something.
If not, you can scrape to protect the housing with the blade of the knife.
If not, you can have ham on that jerk. -
The lithium batteries in your phone are made up of a dangerous chemical mixture that is carefully isolated so they don't fall off like this. . .
Galaxy Note 7.
Opening the case of the lithium battery triggers a process called "", which in 99% of cases is a rather undesirable thing in any case you want the phone to explode.
If there is no other option, you can put the cell phone battery on some beautiful, dry tinder, take a sharp stick and pray to the patron saint of the burn victim, then stab the bastard like he owes you money, you're a madman, and stab the one who owes you money.
The result may be invalid hiss and some smoke, or you may trigger a spectacular Hellfire that burns your body hair and also useless parts of the surrounding forest.
What you are hoping for is the medium of happiness that Bell Griers has achieved here: Now, it should be emphasized that this is the last resort.
You can only do it once and know you and you will almost certainly die.
Still, if the body temperature is too low, why not go outJovi-
In the flame of glory?
3 You can use the universal edible test to find out what is edible. There is no obvious way to judge whether something is edible by simply looking at it.
Of course, you can put it in your mouth, but a lot of poisonous wildlife --
Growing plants looks like the kind of thing you put on your table.
For example, ordinary carrots and wind-proof grass to Hemlock will kill you so much that they used it to execute people in the past days.
Fortunately, there is a way to find out if there is something to eat.
It is called UET.
It is not perfect, but it is better than prayer, prayer is your only choice.
It's like this: when you find something that looks like it's edible, smell it first.
Plants that do not want to be eaten have evolved for millions of years to convey to us the fact that many of them smell like skunk's ass.
If it smells good, rub it on the inside of your elbow or wrist to see if you will have a rash or measles or something.
Ideally, you have enough time to do this test before you starve to death, which is the scientific rigour it needs, but if the time is really short, then, before going to the next stage, you want to give each step between 15 minutes and 1 hour.
If the plant passes the elbow test, the next step is to rub on the lips before waiting.
If you feel OK, put it in your mouth and then play coquetry around it, but after that, eat a little and wait for the night.
If you don't take out your organs like you don't order Carl's Jr. wisely
At the end of drinking tequila, be safe no matter what you want to eat.
Of course, there are some disclaimers for this test.
For example, it obviously doesn't work well with mushrooms, and experienced survivors will tell you that you shouldn't eat wild mushrooms no matter what they look like.
In fact, don't eat mushrooms. They're gross.
You're disgusting.
Yes, reader 15623. Knock it off. 2You (Might)
In general, elevators have been safe since the invention of the lawsuit, but you can always be the unfortunate winner of the cosmic physics lottery.
So, it's good to know to maximize your chances of survival in the event of an elevator crash.
Jump before it hits!
Haha, no, this is not a cartoon.
You really want to lie completely flat and break your shit.
Something flat can save your life;
Anyway, things are going to happen in the gut, so you might as well end up on your own terms.
Keep upright when you land, and will spread your body's crumpled area up through your legs and spine.
For a simple analogy, imagine stom feet on an empty can.
Lie down and the impact force is perpendicular to the distribution of your spine.
If you really survive, the price is more likely to be a few broken ribs than a full one. spining.
Let's make it clear that you may not be able to survive, but hey, that's why your stool was invalid earlier. You're ready.
You can harvest fresh water with plastic bags and Rockwell beer.
You're stuck in the wilderness again.
What's your problem?
You stabbed last time.
Blow up a phone and before that you rub the plants on your face until the lips are swollen like Angelina Jolie.
But you're here now. -
Totally lost and sick
Apparently ready. -
Let's pour you some water.
Fortunately, when you breathe, it's like you release water vapor into the air.
When you are thirsty enough to fantasize about eating those watery things at the top of a bottle of fresh mustard, you may be thirsty enough to consider drinking the sweat of plants.
All you need is a plastic bag, something that can be tied up, an ordinary stone.
Tie the plastic bag to some leaves. . . . . .
Put something as heavy as a rock in the bag and form a reservoir at the bottom. . . . . .
Waiting for magic to happen.
It will take a while, so you are free to take part in fun outdoor activities such as Hunger Games and crying.
But after about 24 hours, you should be in between, depending on the situation.
Don't worry, it tastes much better than your own sweat.